recently sent . . .
Dear Malena 'Mae'
After your countless emails, dozens of letters, untold post cards, too many care packages, costly phone calls, a plethora of telegrams, a dirth* of faxes, daily warm and fuzzy feelings I get that tell me you are thinking of me, more bouquets of flowers than I can shake a stick at, a gaggle of tel-exes, two singing telegrams, and even a smoke signal saying you love me, that least I can do is send you this postcard to say hi.
Your mentor, model, and mime instructor, Richard.
* OK, I later realized I meant to say 'dearth' not 'dirth,' which isn't even a word, but unfortunately it has the exact opposite meaning I intended: a scarce supply; a lack of]
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