On August 16 I penned the following:
Let me take this opportunity to remind the Rupert-ian that it was a humble Provo boy, who only lives to serve others and bring happiness to the world, who was the David to his Backgammon Goliath and that said Provoan is still waiting, patiently, for his Championship t-shirt. :P
Allow me to step out from behind the mask and tip my hat to said Rupert-ian for his retort which also follows. (I include it here as the comments on this blog have a habit of disappearing.) I'm aware that most people won't appreciate the genius buried within the text. That's most peoples' loss.
The revised story of David and Goliath - as disillusionedly referred to by [Shylock], but truthfully penned by an Oremite with four kids:
And behold, David took one stone from his quiver, and placed it into the leather pouch on his sling, and slung the sling with great vigor and haste. And it came to pass that the strap on the sling did break, and the stone thereof did err in its trajectory, and did spin dizzily out of control, making contact with no less than three trees and a seagull, before falling limply on the exposed toe of the sleeping giant, causing a scratch.
And behold, the giant, unaware of his assailant until that point did rub his toe, and did wake up, and did put on a shoe, and his armour, and his helmet and shield and bow, and did face toward David, and did exclaim "Behold, I was not prepared for battle at the onset, now I will give thee a good, fair, fight.
But behold, his words did fall on the ears of nobody, for behold, David, giddy with pleasure, had already departed the area, boasting in his own strength, and proclaiming his victory loudly in the streets. And it came to pass that David did continually rebuff the desires of the giant to have great battle, for claimed he, "Behold I have already won avery battle I have had with thee. What need have I at a rematch, for behold my victories stand at 100%." The claim of 100% he also cried from the rooftops incessantly, until, from sheer tedium, the giant did cease tracking the shepherd boy, and pestering him for battle. For behold, the boy did quickly flee from place to place, making himself extremely elusive, and deceptive.
But, the giant did not lose hope and he did not easily moan his loss. For behold, he did know that in a coming day, he would once again cross paths with the fleeing David, and he knew that when that day happened, he would make swift work of the cowardly David. And in this way, he would put an end to the ceaseless complaints from David that he had not, as of yet, received raiment for the upper torso, proclaiming victory for the toe-stubbing that he did inflict upon Goliath.
Priceless.
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