I am empty. I am lost. I fight to resist the endless surge of loneliness that ever strains to swallow me whole. My resistance wears thin. My defenses are vanishing. My hope is fading, fading...

What can I do to renew my hope? Where can I turn for help? How can I realistically expect to find a solution to my pain and loneliness? How can I possibly believe that I'll recognize it if I find it? In the name of God, what will it take to make me successfully use such a solution when or if I find it and recognize it?

If I dwell for more than a moment on the sheer size of my failure, the darkness, the abyss, fills my breast with terror. I am horrified when I think what I've squandered. How did I allow so many opportunities to slip away?

I stood at the crossroad, dazzled by the endless number and infinite variety of choices, baffled by the implications of the choices, mystified how I could ever make the right choices, and the opportunity to choose well slipped away.

What a fool I was. What a failure I am. What a hopeless, pathetic caricature I've become.

Heaven help me. Who else will?